I am so tired of hearing, “it works both ways” from women who divert from the commandment to love their husbands. Marriages suffer as these kinds of women are always expecting that marriage is a “two way street” where they give and receive equally. On the contrary, it is our unconditional love for our husbands that we are accountable for. This is the “one way street” of giving that we are commanded to do by the Lord. This should be without the expectations of what we will selfishly be getting in return.
The love we have vowed to give to our husbands isn’t founded on whether or not they love us like Christ loves the church. Are we hoping for their sinless perfection? Women who live by conditional love will continue to place impossible demands on their husbands, until the heavy weight of this burden has completely torn their houses down.
Where in the Bible does it say that we are to love our husbands BECAUSE they love us like Christ loves the church? Nowhere! This verse commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. Nowhere in the verse is the word “because’ even used. The command is to simply follow Christ’s example of unconditional love.
It is not a wife’s job to convict her husband if she feels he is not loving her as Christ loves the church. Doesn’t the Bible command us personally to love and pray for even our worst enemies? So why then do some women believe that it’s ok for them to stonewall their husbands for decades, just because they aren’t loving them the way they believe they should.
Our marriages are not based on happiness, but love. Women who are so concerned about what their husbands aren’t doing for them become hardhearted and usually wind up on a destructive path to divorce. The “what’s in it for me attitude” has to stop! Jesus clearly defines love as unconditional through the sacrifice of His life in His love for the Father and us, even while we were still sinners. Our true freedom is in the grace of His loving sacrifice, as we become a reflection of His image by loving our husbands, even when they have fallen short of the glory of God.
Godly women who have been filled with a true and everlasting joy of the Lord know they have already received an incomprehensible love that is so much greater than anything their husbands could ever possibly provide. When a woman turns to God and receives this kind of unconditional love, defined as agape, it fills the deepest parts of her spirit and soul. This gives her the power to resist any prolonged hurt that may lead to a discontented state of soul and discord in her marriage.
Women must stop selfishly thinking about everything their husbands are doing wrong. Negative focus becomes a vicious cycle that singlehandedly affects the way they behave towards their husbands. This negative thinking and behavior destroys marriages. Women who base their reactions on their husband’s behavior have allowed their emotions to dictate who they are, and have lost sight of their true identity in Christ. It would be wise for women to stop seeking godly behavior from their husbands, and rather focus on serving the Lord as loving and submissive wives.