It was an uphill battle to undo all the damage in our marriage. By the time I realized we were in serious trouble, everything between us was completely shattered. It wasn’t until nearly twenty years together, that I actually took into account my own behaviors.
Year after year, I was trying to chip away at my husband’s masculinity, trying to degrade him as best as I could. Day in and day out, I picked apart every piece of his soul, until our hearts were broken in two.
All of the years of acting like he was nothing but a giant fool of disappointment, had caused us more pain than I could endure. I had gone so far from the sweet wife with a twinkle in her eye, into a bitter woman with sharp words that cut him down.
It wasn’t until I was face to face with this reality that things began to change. I couldn’t go on being this unrecognizable woman that I had slowly become over the years.
It was exhausting trying to make him feel like he wasn’t a real man … while I wasn’t that woman he used to love and adore anymore.
We were worlds apart and the only common thread between us was two children, plenty of bills, and a dog.
The nitpicking and the nagging were the worst behaviors of them all. It was the beginning of the end, when this became the discontented woman I was … and no longer the wife my husband desired and longed for. Eventually, the foundation of an intimate connection had fallen to bits and pieces.
Where was this beautiful woman that used to make him feel like her hero? Somewhere deep inside, I knew that I wasn’t woman enough anymore to stand behind my man, and to share how proud I was to have and to hold him … to be thrilled to adventure through life together … and to support him in all his endeavors. Who was this woman that I had become, how did she ever become so undone?
Where were my feminine touches, and when did I stop telling him how much I loved him? Where was his companion, his lover, his best friend who would love him through thick and thin? Where was the wife he dreamed of spending the rest of his life with? It certainly wasn’t me anymore … she was long gone.
I lost my position by disrespecting the man he truly was. I lost the heart and soul of my husband with complete disregard for the desires he had at the very core of him.
I basically took over, and made inferences that he was no good for me. I had to do things the way that I thought they should be. It was always my way or the highway.
God finally revealed to me that I wasn’t submitting to my husband’s authority, and that I was not appointed as the head of our home. This was my husband’s position. Meanwhile, I was just making all of the decisions on my own, instead of deferring to my husband to make important decisions together, as one.
At the time, I didn’t understand that submitting to my husband’s leadership was God’s plan for our marriage. I didn’t understand that his position to be the overseer of every decision for our family, was how my husband was made to operate under God’s authority. It was for him to lead, provide, guide, and protect our family from any harm.
I didn’t understand that this was the way God put things into its proper order. It had nothing to do with my own insight or understanding, but had everything to do with trusting in God’s harmonious dance of a husband and wife, by submitting to the needs of each other.
A wife shines in the light of God’s glory by honoring and respecting her husband’s position of headship and authority. As she submits to him, he makes her feel safe to have a voice, and to express herself in a healthy way as his partner in life.
She is very much a part of helping him to be a better man by making him her main priority. He sees success in his relationship when he is able to provide a loving environment for his wife, and when her desires are for him over anything else on this earth.
The truth is that just as he is to wake up everyday to love and cherish his wife, at the heart of every man is the need to be honored and respected by his wife.
If you’re anything like me, you will come to realize that respecting him like there’s no tomorrow will ultimately build him up to be his very best, and give him a chance to finally become the man of your dreams.
It took us twenty six years of many failures to finally realize that we were nothing together without God’s ultimate plan of a heavenly marriage.
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