When I give advice to women, it is often likely to be met with resistance. Women who are invested in gaining sympathy don’t want to hear how they could improve their situations by changing themselves. Instead, they’re looking for me to validate a feeling that their situations are hopeless because their husbands won’t change.

Not every woman is interested in addressing their own issues head-on. Instead, they prefer to adopt a ‘poor me’ attitude by placing all the blame on their husbands. The worst part about this is that misery loves company. Negative women often convince others to attend their pity parties, but attending the party isn’t the least bit compassionate. In many cases, listening to them constantly talk negatively about their husbands only enables them to stay stuck in their own misery, and it can be harmful to everyone involved.

I always give the women that I teach the benefit of the doubt, and listen to their stories with genuine compassion. However, the one defining difference between women who restore their marriages and those who do not, is whether or not they are willing to change themselves. Nevertheless, I still maintain a helpful attitude for each and every woman that I work with if they are willing to be accountable for themselves and eventually come to terms with the need to change their own behaviors.

Typically, women will call me regularly to say they need my help. But whenever I offer assistance, it is met with resistance. Most of them insist their problems (such as their husband’s abandonment) are always the exception to the rule and there’s nothing that will change the circumstances for the better, unless their husband’s do all the changing.

Yet, they continue to insist that I should somehow help them to win their husbands over, but continue to resist my advice for personal change. As they continue to resist my teachings, I begin to see their motives unfold in their attempt to hold me a captive audience. I believe that they spend much of their time seeking the approval of others, and this is their way to reinforce their beliefs about their husband’s behavior and their inability to influence a change in him.

Women with a victim mentality do not want to hear me address their problems. Rather, when I am focused on their need of change as wives, they will do anything to avoid the topic of this crucial role that has fallen short. They will resist my advice, and make excuses, as soon as I begin to teach them to submit to their husbands. It is very sad that these kind of women are so invested in gaining sympathy and don’t want to hear how they themselves could improve their situations. This is a sure sign to me that they want me, and others, to attend their pity party, and reinforce their “poor me attitude ” to avoid changing.

Some women will act like they have done nothing wrong. As a matter of fact, I have personally witnessed the problems that are still stirring around inside of them, which are a sure sign that they have contributed to the problems in the breakdown of their marriage.

Unfortunately, many women will completely disappear from my counsel, once I reveal this to them.

It seems that most women would prefer to go on trying to control their own husbands, instead of addressing their own personal issues. Women such as these will base their beliefs on some far off glimmer of hope that their husbands will one day wake up and change, which husbands may or may not actually do.

Women need to face the truth and choose to take responsibility for themselves and change their personal perspectives to become better wives. Women who haven’t reached that point in themselves will blame their husbands for their own actions, acts out of a place of vengeance, and uses their own emotional reactions as a threat to control their husbands. Marriages can only recover from pity parties when wives hold complete accountability for themselves, and take action once and for all.

• Uncategorized