Nine Keys Points On How To Stay Married For A Lifetime
Anger, resentment and bitterness are not healthy ways to convey emotions to our spouses. Take it from my own twenty five years of experience, as bitterness nearly destroyed my marriage. This kind of behavior does not encourage anyone to want to please their spouse. Nasty reactions will only build walls of isolation and create distance in a relationship.
As committed couples, we should realize that when one is hurting, then both of us are. We must understand that marriage is a team effort. As team players, we should not wage war against each other. Instead, we should encourage each other to be our best. As one spouse falls, the other should help pick them up and encourage them to succeed.
Trust is what builds strength and intimacy in a marriage. Throughout the years, I discovered that it was important to open my heart, and trust that my husband wanted to understand me, but he couldn’t accomplish this if I wasn’t willing to communicate properly. Usually, I allowed anger to build up inside of me, until the emotional pain was unbearable. Eventually, a day would come when rage would come pouring out of me with a shrieking sound, and a frequency level so high, it may have actually broken the sound barrier. I’d look in the mirror with discontentment, and “ugly cry” myself into a complete state of self pity. I wondered who I was anymore. I’d ask myself, “What happened to the sweet woman you used to be?” Over the years, I lost control over my emotions because I didn’t address the problems that I was having from the onset.
To effectively communicate to one another, we should speak from a place of honesty, not hostility. It is best if we do not communicate when our emotions are raging inside of us. Although simply expressing our desires may seem logical, in the heat of fired up emotions, it is a lot easier said than done. Keep in mind that we can never take back the hurtful words that we have already spoken.
It is well worth exercising self-control in the long run. Instead of talking about the problem, we should wait until our emotions simmer down. It is wise to walk away from the situation, take a grown-up time-out, gather our thoughts, and maybe even the pieces of our hearts. It is surprising how easy it is to express ourselves once we have let go of all the drama inside of our hearts. What normally would have been a full blown argument, would instead, become a peaceful place of understanding.
On the other side of the spectrum, clamming up may seem more comforting than opening our hearts and being vulnerable, but in the long run, shutting our spouse out will never achieve love. Although we should be sensitive to the needs of one another, spouses are not mind readers. Freely expressing our hearts desires is the key to communication.
Don’t we want our marriages to be a place where we can enjoy expressing who we are without criticism and judgement? I know that I did! Accepting that our spouse isn’t perfect offers us the realization that they will make many mistakes over the course of a marriage. They may even make major mistakes that have a high price to pay. We must be willing to endure the disappointments, knowing that mistakes are not a valid reason to give up on the ones we love. Forgiveness is the only way to heal from past mistakes. Extending grace to our spouse will help us to move on to a brighter future.
God most certainly has a plan for every marriage, and one that brings Him glory … in the intimacy of being committed to loving one another. Love always protects the ones we care about, it trusts, and it perseveres through any storm. During a lifetime together, a marriage is bound to be wounded and may seem impossible to heal.
We may have every reason to believe that a divorce would be for the best. Except, it rarely is for any family. Unfortunately, many find out that divorce is just exchanging one set of a problems for another.
Emotional struggles amongst ourselves can be very painful, but are not impossible to overcome if both are committed to serving one another in love.
God promises us new beginnings. He promises that all things work together for good, and that he will rebuild the ruins and restore long devastation. No matter how shattered and broken a marriage may seem, there is always hope if we choose to have faith, and never give up on the ones we love.