My husband tried everything to make me happy. He practically turned himself inside out just to bring a smile to my face. He tried relentlessly to be my hero, and to rescue me from my own misery, but the more he tried, the more unhappy I became.
One day he asked himself, “What in the world am I doing? “Nothing that I have done has made her happy!” This was the day that everything began to change, and also the day that my life had truly begun. This was the pivotal point where my husband decided that all he was doing was stepping on God’s toes.
Not long after this everything came tumbling down on me. My daughter ran away from home, I was a mess, and my marriage was estranged. I was left in my own pile of unhappiness, just to stare at the destructive choices in my life, and the heartbreaking shame.
I can honestly say that my behavior was selfish and ungrateful for everyone in my life. And to be brutally honest, my behavior was abusive to my family’s souls. I mean after all, I couldn’t see that I was the one causing most of the problems. I was so busy staring at my husband’s faults, that I refused to see my own.
I blamed my husband for the bitter old fruit that I had become. I denied that the destructive choices I was making with my life was causing all of the harm. I was completely defensive and lashed out with sharp words and bitterness from my own tongue.
My husband knew that I was spiraling down into this dark hole, but he made a promise to God that he had to let go of cleaning up my own mess… to let go of trying to save me from my own unhappiness. He knew that if he kept holding on, I would never hit rock bottom, and feel the sting of my own soul.
I will not hide that this was not a pretty moment in my life … and as time went on it got even uglier.
It was in fact, the most painful time of our lives …
It was a long road to my recovery, and it took my husband’s patience. He made the unselfish decision to put up with me, no matter what it would take. He moved his fear aside and was led by his unshakable faith.
No matter how broken I was, he was completely committed to loving me for the rest of my life. There was no way that he was going to give up on God, and the promise of our marriage being everything that our hearts truly desired.
For many years, I was left inside my own walls of isolation. It wasn’t until my daughter’s run away that I woke up and had to face everything. It was the final straw that broke the camel’s back. This was the day that everything was pulled out from beneath me. I was thrown into a pile of my own mess … and when I had to finally face my own living Hell.
This was the breakthrough moment of my life … when I finally opened my heart and heard the still, small voice of God. I knew that it was finally time for me to wake up, and clean up the entire mess that I made.
I knew my happiness was a choice that I had to make for myself, and then everything in my life would begin to change.
It was truly a miracle how God gave my husband the position to be my hero anyway … he gave him the strength to love me through it all, and to never give up hope that I would be saved.
It was truly a miracle how the changes in me … changed everything for my family.
We are truly the story of a family that never gives up hope, and will continue to love one another through thick and thin.
5 thoughts on “… And They Lived Happily Ever After”
What a beautifully written post. I just know that God will use your story to touch the lives of others; Often as Christians we try to hide behind “nice” – try to keep up our shiny facade, while underneath we all have similar stuff going on in our hearts to what you describe at the start of your blog post. Thank you for being so real and honest- for putting yourself ‘out there’, that takes a lot of courage; I pray that your honesty will encourage others to be honest with themselves, others and most importantly The Lord – who in his infinite love and mercy is “slow to anger and quick to forgive” and ultimately is the only one who can heal our broken lives. ❤️
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Thank you Jill for your encouraging words. Honesty with our inner being can only happen when we know the truth. That is God’s written truth. Although I was a Christian for my entire life, I was never exposed to the Bible. Can you believe that? In all my years of church going, not once was there any practical information on how to understand the Bible, and to know the power of God’s word. Once I was exposed to this wisdom, my life took off in a whole new direction. It was like finding the hidden treasure! God’s promises are filled with the solutions to our problems. There isn’t any challenge in life that we can’t conquer with this knowledge. I am so passionate about sharing my story with complete transparency, because I want other women to have what I have- to be healed from the inside out. I am hoping my story helps other women to come out from behind their walls of isolation, and finally experience God’s love. Thank you Jill for your beautifully written comment and encouraging words. 💗
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I can very definitely believe it (what you say about a lack of teaching /exposure to the Bible) Sadly it’s a very common problem. And I also ‘get’ what you’re saying about hidden treasure – so true!! 💕
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Thank you for sharing the hard stuff. The ugly stuff. This is what we need to hear. What brought other women to their knees. And then how God lovingly transforms and heals lives.
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When I had come to the end of my rope, I cried out to God and repented of my sins. That was when everything changed and when my heart began healing. It was an incredible journey of transformation and it continues to be everyday!