When she said “I Do” she expected to be loved by her husband, but when she did not feel loved and cherished in the ways she wanted, she became bitter and resentful. Her expectations only led to disappointment when her husband, had failed to live up to them. She found herself in the midst of bitterness, as her only means of defense, but realized there was simply no joy left.
She began to excuse herself and become the accuser of the things her husband had not done, just as she wanted. Rather than take responsibility for own hateful behaviors, she fell into a deep depression.
She resorted to belittling her husband to maintain a false sense of superiority. She convinced herself that every problem she had was her husband’s fault, but was only an unfair judgement. Once she began hyper-focusing on her slanted opinions of him, it only exaggerated things in her mind that were not true. Her soul only magnified her troubles. She took her thoughts and judgements one step further, and began spreading slanderous rumors to make it look like she wasn’t part of the problem.
Once she immersed herself in her constant bitter rage of thoughts, she no longer knew reality. She felt that she deserved much better than her husband, and started to imagine her perfect “soulmate” out there somewhere. Once this “perfect lover” had caught her attention, she was led into this fantasy that he was the one who would give her everything she ever wanted, but it was only in her imagination. Her lover was far from perfect, and couldn’t ease her restless heart.
Deep inside, she knew she wasn’t her best, and had only become more miserable. Her marriage suffered greatly, as she went around in circles, blaming her husband for the dissatisfying state of her soul. Because she did not feel the love or acceptance she wanted from him, she felt worthless, and rejected. She quietly replaced God with her husband, and failed to put her trust in the Lord.
She suddenly found herself in a world full of utter chaos, wondering what was wrong with the way she had acted, but only when she surrenders to the Lord, would there be a moment of truth, when she realizes she’s completely lost inside. Only then would she begin to pray for God to help her make changes in herself, to be completely honest, and admit her negative thoughts poisoned her from inside out. Only then would she begin to understand she lost control of her emotions, and allowed herself to harbor anger over the course of time.
She had to come face to face with the picture of a woman who had done nothing, but treat her husband like he was never good enough to satisfy her, but she was only asking him to do what she wasn’t for herself. She misplaced her own joy and happiness, by putting it into his hands … rather than finding within herself, all the love, validation, and acceptance she needed to be fulfilled.
“Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!” Luke 1:45