I’m going to be honest. Learning to control our thoughts and feelings is a lifelong learning process. If you’re anything like me, you will want to stop allowing every emotion you have to disrupt your inner peace and calm.

My own experiences of living any way that I felt like managed to destroy decades of my life. The impact it had on my family was devastating. I want you to understand that I write about this subject from a place of experience. I want to help you learn the life skills to avoid making unnecessary mistakes and regretting them in the end.

Self-control is the backbone of emotional mastery. Without it, we will be like a leaf blowing every which way through the storms of life. We should accept that things will rarely go exactly as we planned. When we stop getting worked up about what should have happened, it can change our experience in life.

When we let go of expectations, we make room for peace. We can accept that life is unpredictable, and gain a mindset that is realistic. Why give power to circumstances that are beyond our control?

When reality doesn’t meet our expectations, we can get angry, upset, and frustrated. Instead, we can stop expecting others to meet our demands, and stop giving anything the power to steal our peace and joy. When we let go of expectations, we stop setting ourselves up for disappointment.

Expectations are future based. They are something that hasn’t happened yet, and these are things that are out of our control. For example: when we expect people to do things a certain way, and they don’t, we set ourselves up for turmoil. Stop expecting and stop giving anyone the power to disappoint you. Stop allowing circumstances to define your happiness.

When we learn to accept that things will not always go our way, we can remain calm and unbothered by it all.  I can’t tell you how many times that I’ve had to learn the hard lesson of letting go of my expectations to make room for peace. I have written more about my experiences on this topic in my books “Come Back Home and Heart of a Wife”.

When we stop feelings of disappointment, frustration and resentment, we avoid aggravation. We can embrace what is happening and stop fighting against it. We can find our greatest strength by accepting life will not meet our demands.

We lose our power when we allow people’s words, actions, and behaviors to dictate our feelings. We can create safety and wellbeing for ourselves without imposing rules on others. This skill can help us to create an environment that will not disrupt our inner calm. This doesn’t mean building walls or being defensive, but MAKING SURE THAT OUR PEACE IS NON-NEGOTIABLE.

How often are we influenced by someone’s annoying behavior? By someone trying to provoke us, and drag us into negativity? People may also lose their temper and snap at us. Our go-to reaction may be to retaliate. We may find ourselves lost in our emotions by ruminating about it for days. But, what if instead of allowing it to steal our peace, and drain our energy, we set an emotional boundary? What if we did this by deciding not to take on their emotional burdens? We don’t have to let their problems become our own. We can continue in our own emotional state of mind. God promises that He will take away our burdens, and sustain us. He will not permit the righteous to be moved (Psalm 55:22).

I encourage allowing oneself the time to pause, and spend time with God in a place of clarity and calm. Think about how you would like to respond to situations that are draining life out of you. Think about the times you allowed situations to disrupt your peace. Pause and reflect over the situation in quiet moments. Write in your journal about possible solutions to your problems with scriptures. Quiet moments with God will be your greatest power. The power is to stay calm, composed, and stable from within, no matter what.

The fruits of the Holy Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). We must ask the Holy Spirit to fill us each day with the fresh power to develop and grow these characteristics. We must continually observe whether our life displays virtuous qualities.

Imagine walking through life with nothing weighing you down, not having past regrets, grudges, guilt or condemnation, and no unnecessary drama. Picture yourself light as a feather going through life’s challenges without draining your energy.  

When we master the art of emotional boundaries we become unshakable. We no longer allow circumstances to affect our peace and joy.

Self-control is having the ability to pause, reflect, and choose how to respond.  It’s a skill that requires practice. We can allow God to give us the power to control our emotional state, no matter what is happening around us. Easier said than done.

Picture yourself facing stressful situations. You are a master of peace and tranquility, as you remain calm and collected. That’s the power of self-control. It is the power to stay in charge of your own emotions, and not let others steer you off course.

Here’s the key: We can’t control others, but we can control how we allow ourselves to respond. We can control the way we choose to live life. The moment we start exercising self-control is the moment we stop being a victim to our emotions.

Take back your power and choose the outcome of every situation. Remember, next time life tries to throw something at you, take control of how you will decide to respond. Consider your options first to be sure they align with God’s values. Every challenge is an opportunity for growth.

Keep in mind that God has not given us the spirit of fear. He has given us the spirit of power, love, and self-control (2 Timothy 1:7). You are powerful in God. You can release this power in any situation you face. God helps us to think clearly and make decisions that create inner peace.

The power of self-control not only frees you from an unhealthy response to any situation, but it also transforms you.

I would love to hear from you. What would your life look like if you chose not to let anything affect your peace? Let’s encourage one another in the comments.

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