You will never respect your husband when you have allowed yourself to resent everything about him, and you will never find it inside of you to submit to him when you resist his need for leadership.

Many wives are so bitter and resentful that they find excuses to avoid admiring their husband. Instead of admiration, they have convinced themselves that their husband has no redeeming qualities to admire. Majoring in finding their husband’s minor faults for so long, they do not see their own. They refuse to admit that they have failed to be the kind of wife that creates peace and joy in a home. Focusing on every negative aspect about their husband as a reason to avoid being a good wife, their excuses mistakenly lead them to believe their husband is impossible to respect. They fail to see that they are not only destroying their marriages, but their own souls as well.

Many women see their husband through jaded lenses. These women will exaggerate their husband’s flaws to focus on reasons why they should be upset. They lack the faith to treat their husband as if he were everything he ought to be or could become in the future. Jesus was a master at having the vision to see people not as they were, but as they could be. He was a master at seeing the best in people, seeing their positive intentions, abilities, and good character traits, rather than their flaws. He was a master at loving people even when they were at their worst. Based on the attitudes that I have witnessed in some women, I honestly believe that they could find fault with just about anyone, including Jesus himself!

Jesus did not come to be a people pleaser. He came with the purpose of doing what His father said to do, and many people did not like that He did not do as they wanted. They placed their expectations of Him to be everything they thought He ought to be, instead of what they needed for Him to be. He is a loving Father, but he is a disciplinarian too who has the authority to command us on how we should live. I do not believe most women have the proper respect of their husband’s authority, or their command from God to submit to him as they are to submit to the Lord. If they did, they would not treat their husbands with such disrespect as many of them do. They try to make it seem like their husband is lacking in something, and therefore feel they cannot submit to him. These women fail to see that they are combative and quarrelsome, constantly resisting their husband’s authority.

Wives who treat their husband’s authority lightly are rebelling against the Bible’s command to respect their husband. One true test of submissiveness is when there is a disagreement. If a wife believes that she is submitting to her husband only when she agrees with him, she does not understand the meaning of submission. Egalitarianism promotes the idea that husbands and wives must come to a mutual agreement before they act. However, that is not what scripture teaches. Wives are to obey their husbands, especially when they disagree with them, provided they are not asking their wives to commit sin. 

Although a husband may not live up to righteous standards, it is not an excuse to act disrespectful towards him. While there may be a basic underlying disrespect for habitually sinful behaviors, there is always a way to handle every situation in a loving and respectful manner. A wife must always treat her husband with reverence. She can always find ways to submit to him by looking for golden opportunities. This includes those circumstances when she knows her husband is sinful. By following the pattern Christ gives in Matthew 18 and respectfully confronting a husband about his ungodly behaviors, a wife can even be loving towards the most sinful of husbands, instead of becoming bitter and argumentative. If he does not repent, she can have family or pastors help intervene and rebuke his behavior. This is the most loving thing a wife can do for a husband who is living in unrepentant sin. This should also apply in cases of abuse, however, be sure to seek safety first and call the police immediately.

Rebuking a husband’s behavior must not be motivated by a wife’s selfishness who only wants her husband to change for her sake. Instead, rebuking should be reserved with loving concern for her husband’s soul, which she feels is at stake. Respecting your husband does not mean to passively ignore if he chooses a lifestyle of sin. A husband must be confronted with God’s truth, especially if he is persisting in sin. In this instance, a wife must obey God rather than her husband. If a husband ever commands his wife to do anything unbiblical or sinful, she must never do it. But when a husband is not asking his wife to break God’s laws by surrendering her conscience, she should obey her husband.

Obedience means that a wife will do what her husband asks of her, even if she disagrees with him, provided he is not asking her to sin. When she submits to her husband, as she does to the Lord, He will give her the grace, the ability, and the opportunity to show her faithfulness. When wives lovingly follow this command to submit to their husbands, they will bear an unmistakable testimony of faithfulness to God’s Word, while at the same time pleasing their husbands. 

Please check out my recent books called “Come Back Home (a memoir) and Heart of a Wife (a workbook). These are both designed to give you biblical insight and the skills to improve your roles as a wife and mother.

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