More than likely your prodigal has said things like. “they do not love you anymore, they are leaving you, and are never coming back home.”
Recognize what your prodigal says isn’t really your prodigal, but the enemy who has temporarily deceived your prodigal.
I can remember the day when I looked at my husband, there was firing rage welling up from inside of me, and anger was about to rear it’s ugly head, but my husband continued talking to me, expressing how he felt about divorce. He was saying to me that divorce would never solve any of the problems in our lives we were confronted with, and our marriage was a covenant that couldn’t be broken. He repeated the scripture throughout the conversation, “What God joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:9) and that God was a witness on our wedding day, and heard our vows to love one another, until death.
The more my husband spoke of hating divorce, the more I could feel the rage building. I felt imprisoned and needed a way out of this feeling inside of me, quickly! My mind was filled with so many reasons to pursue a divorce and the pressure to do it felt unbearable. As my husband sat more closely speaking the truth, I yelled out with a deep growling voice to him, but, “I don’t love you!” “I’m leaving you!” “ I want a divorce!” He stared at me in silence for a moment, and I would never forget what he said next. I felt him move even closer, and as he looked into my eyes he whispered “That wasn’t you saying that you don’t love me.” “I know you, and when I looked deep into your eyes, it wasn’t you looking back at me.” I sat still, like I was frozen, and wondered if he was right, but was so desperate for a sense of freedom that I couldn’t make sense of my own feelings anymore.
I know my husband was in fervent prayer during this time. He honestly had no clue what I would do next, but he was wise to the fact that my supposed “freedom” was the only thing I was after, so he loosened the reigns, and made a deal with me. He said, “If you still want to pursue a divorce (which God is not in agreement with for any reason, and neither am I) then you can finalize your decision to do so in one year from now. I can remember the sudden feeling of relief that came rushing in, but to my surprise, the relief was only temporary. A quick feeling of fear made its way into my soul when I thought of making this life changing decision that no one else agreed with. Somewhere deep inside, I knew that I was just taking the “easy way out.” Somewhere in the pit of my stomach, I felt like a loser, but the next thing that I said to him was, “OK!” “One year, then I’m done!” I thought to myself, “At least we we were in agreement about something, finally,” It never even dawned on me that this was all a part of God’s plan to keep me from running, even further.
I know now when I look back however, something inside of me changed that day when he called my bluff. He knew by the look in my eyes that deep down it wasn’t really me that wanted the divorce, but was the enemy looking to destroy us. God revealed to my husband that it was the great pretender he needed to challenge to finally show its face. It was the enemy’s aim to bluff and intimidate him to fall for his schemes, but on this day, my husband let this evil spirit know he was not about to quit on the woman he loved. He was finally forcing the enemy to show his cards, because by the look in my eyes, he knew he was nothing but a fake and a liar, and was fully aware that with God’s promises he would win this battle.
One year later, I never went ahead with the divorce. Instead, I came back came home, remembering that day my husband looked into my eyes, and as his words rang truth. I knew it was not really me that day saying, “ I didn’t love him.” I was finally freed from the grips of the enemy because of my husband’s faithfulness.
Heart of a Wife 
This is beautiful.
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Jeannie, I want to Thank You for your Honest post about your marriage. I will try to keep this short but hope to give you encouragement to continue the work God has laid on your Heart.
8 months ago my Wife of 22 years walked out the door without a word and filed for divorce, We are both Christians and know God’s Word on divorce and have professed we do not believe in divorce. I did not sign the papers, knowing Gods Word I did not see how I could do it. Just as you said your Husband told you, it was not your saying those things. I know this is not my Wife, satan has deceived her. My Wife is a Kind and Loving person. I Pray daily for her and God’s intervention.
When she left I did not know the term “Stander” at the time but found that it is the group I fall in now. I have read many good articles and found web sites that have been great help through this painful time in my life. Most of the things I read are about the wife doing the Standing for her husband to return Home. Your site / blog is so nice to read from a Prodigal Woman’s perspective and came to me in such a critical time in my Stand. My Wife still has No intention of working on our Marriage, but communications had opened up a little bit. A couple of weeks ago I found out a couple of things that I feel was God showing me, they were facts, what they meant was not for sure, but I feel a line has been crossed that I cannot handle. After Praying and Crying through the night I woke with my mind made it was time to sign the papers and let go .. I have lost Hope. But God … has not allowed me to go through with that. He did not show me or tell me, I just know HIS WORD. So today I do a search of “What is my Prodigal Wife Thinking” and I land here! Now I have been reading and searching daily for 8 months and never found this. The article I landed on was “Heart of a Prodigal Wife” … I know this was God… to finally read the mind of a Woman on the other side, it was Awesome and Encouraging! I go to the Home Page and your most recent post of March 3 was “Believe Your Prodigal Can Change” . This has giving me a small feeling of Hope for this day.
Thank You!
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Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know how challenging your stand is believe me. I remember exactly what I put my husband through! It was a nightmare and still to this day, I have no idea how I got so lost. I still cannot believe the things I did as a married woman. Although I have repented and taken full responsibility for my behavior, I can look back and know that without a doubt, the enemy had taken over my life. I was just as you described your wife, as a kind, caring and loving person, but over the years my own dissatisfaction in life caused me to search for myself in the ugliest of places. By the way, my husband’s name is Mike too. Coincidence, I don’t think so. I believe God has led you to my story to give you the same hope that he gave my husband and that was why he could not give up. I want you to know how much I appreciate your transparency. I really felt your heart. I will pray for you and your wife. Please stay involved in supportive places for your stand because the enemy will do whatever it can to destroy your marriage. God bless you and keep in touch.
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This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
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I’m sure this is helpful and encouraging to some, as it should be. But it’s hard to continue having hope and joy when after 6-7 years, with the last year being complete silence, there is no more sign of my wife wanting to have anything to do with me. For the first probably two years after the divorce, she would have a break from her absolute hatred of me and tell me a couple times how she missed being my friend and how she thinks she still cared for me, but how everyone told her we couldn’t be friends. Only to immediately start hating me again. But then for the next 4-5 years, there were no more signs, anything I said was met with don’t ever contact me again, or she’d make up that she had a fiancé. And then after another anger filled email from her (because she won’t communicate any other way) telling me never to contact her again, it has been complete silence. So for two years it’s been hard to pray, maybe she is happier and in a better position than she was with me, I was far from a perfect husband and I didn’t know how to always show her I loved her, especially with me coming from a terrible family myself that always argued. I loved(love) her, but I had really bad habits that I hadn’t broken yet. I want to blame it on being young but that feels like an excuse… anyways all this to say that all these stories of people being divorced or separated for a year or less really don’t resonate with me anymore who’s had to endure it so much longer than most. I don’t really love myself anymore, I’ve struggled with loving God the past couple years, and yet there is not one day that I haven’t thought about my wife and sometimes it feels like I’m being tortured. I really don’t know why I wrote this, the only person in the world I want to hear from is her. I’m never going to marry anyone else because I believe that it’s till death do us part. But I feel like being divorced is an thorn in my side that God refuses to remove and I’ll just have to be single the rest of my life. I’m not always in this pit of despair, but it’s been coming on more and more frequently. Maybe I’m writing in hopes that people will pray for me because I’m pretty sure my prayers only go as high as the ceiling. How am I supposed to have joy when biblically half of my flesh is missing.
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Hello Tim.
I am so sorry to hear about the troubles you are facing. I know how difficult it is to be in a marriage with a prodigal. Although I was not separated for more than several months at a time, I know the devastating affects it had on my family, regardless of the amount of time. I know just how much my children were affected in their development as young children, I know the stress and strain it put on my husband for years, even before I separated from him. There were decades of my hatred and anger towards him, but reality was that I hated myself for my behavior. I know had I went through with a divorce, I would have regretted it for the rest of my life. Deep down it would have tortured me for running and failing to stay true to my vows, and the covenant, until death. It was only because I finally listened to my screaming conscience that I heard God say to “go home.” I didn’t obey the command until I heard it for the third time. Your wife is hearing from God, she is just too hard- hearted to actually respond. To be honest with you, some prodigal ‘s never do. For better or for WORSE means that God will never fail or forsake a stander in any kind of marital trouble. I know from what you’ve expressed, you already realize that you are one flesh until death. That feeling you have deep in your gut for her will never go away as long as she is alive. It’s there to remind you of her, and your love for her. It’s beautiful and I admire you and respect your willingness to deny yourself for the love you have for her in the hopes of her redemption. I do not know where I would be today, had my husband given up on me. I am praying for you Tim. I hope that you’ve found some hope in my response to you. Thank you for sharing your heart today. 🙏
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Dear Tim,
I am a wife to a prodigal husband. I pray one day he will return to the kind and loving husband he once was and that God will restore what was broken. I noticed more recently that my prayers were centered around God restoring my marriage and NOT around God helping me rebuild my relationship with Christ and my relationship with myself. I finally realized that my focus was on the wrong relationship. I have to place my relationship with God above my desire for my marriage restoration because by putting him first all good things come thereafter. I can’t promise that your wife will return but by immersing yourself in the Bible, life and joy will return because your focus is on the One who can give real joy and contentment. I really enjoy reading Proverbs, James and the books of John. Start anywhere but fully immerse yourself in His word and in prayer everyday and watch out and see what amazing things God will do.
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