Without Losing Sight of Ourselves

Like so many others, I have experienced living a life that wasn’t truly what I dreamed it would be. It was almost five years ago, this reality rocked me to the core and shook my world. I was exhausted, just trying to be someone that I was not. Anxiety and depression became my own worst enemy.

I had lost complete sense of who I was, or what I was even passionate about anymore.

It wasn’t until that tragic day, when my daughter had run away from home, that I faced so many truths about myself- I had basically given up on me … and even worse was having to face all of the things I did along the way that destroyed my heart and soul. It was a journey into my heart that took complete faith, honesty, and courage.

I realized how painful it must have been for my daughter Shannon, to basically watch her mother self-destruct, emotionally and spiritually- and all of this happened around me without any self-awareness. I was blind to the truth. I was existing in a life without even knowing myself … without knowing my own heart and soul.

For most of my life, I had exempt myself from the entire equation of just being me, (whoever that was) she sure was hiding behind everyone, and everything else, so no one would ever notice.

Sound familiar?

Maybe we are a society that has become too dependent upon our relationships to ever take responsibility for ourselves. Maybe we have become overly enmeshed with our lovers, spouses, children, the wrong kind of people, or even the wrong jobs, to ever develop a true sense of identity. Slowly but surely, we may have excluded a profound love for ourselves and developing something greater from within.

If this is how we are feeling inside of our hearts, maybe we are believing that alone, we are not enough.

It is a high price to pay to lose ourselves, and it continues to cost us, as we live in this powerless place of believing in this enormous lie. It is about as low as low gets for some of us, and it is only because of everything untrue we are believing about ourselves on the inside.

The good news is that we can have access to a greater power and can begin to change today!

With our faith in God, we can take a leap of faith to begin to love and care for ourselves, before we venture onto another road that veers us away from being true to ourselves.


~Imagine waking up and finally standing up for who we truly are in the eyes of God, rather than living through the eyes of everybody else.

~Imagine not only having a greater love and acceptance in our hearts for ourselves, but to love and accept others too!

~Imagine having the confidence to accept ourselves so greatly that we are never at a loss for who we are, no matter what others may think of us.

~Imagine being surrounded by the right kind of people to nourish our souls and spiritually enhance our lives.

~Imagine the people we allow into our lives have a true interest to see us, to hear us, and to understand the very essence of who we are.

~Imagine being so confident that WE choose who it is that fits into our lives because they are just as passionate about us … as we are!

~Imagine NEVER settling for less than what we really desire deep within our hearts.

~Imagine a love so great inside of ourselves that we never allow anyone, or anything, the authority to take it away.

~Imagine being so honest that it uncovers every painful lie we have ever believed about ourselves.

Let’s finally be honest with ourselves. What kind of unhealthy relationship do we have with ourselves that we keep winding up in the same case scenario that only causes everybody else to suffer? If we cannot value ourselves, it is not likely that anyone else ever will either. Our lack of self-worth will continue to cause us to accept lower standards of living, and therefore, dissatisfaction. Sadly, maybe we are believing on a deeper level that we are not worthy of our own heart’s desires.

With this heaviness upon our hearts, we need to wake up and realize we are in this unhappy place that we have created all on our own … we have become victims of our own self-fulfilling prophecies … that we are not worthy!

With this belief at the very core of us, all of our relationships will suffer. We will hopelessly go on accepting this standard of living as the “Norm.” It is simply because we haven’t found it within our hearts to begin to embrace a profound love and respect for who we are. Ask yourself today, “Who am I?” and see what comes to mind. If the answer is, “I don’t know” then it’s time to begin self-discovery.

Yes, it is hard to face that because of our own lack of self-worth, we attract into our lives unhealthy counterparts- constantly reassuring us we are indeed not worthy of more. This unhealthy dynamic begins to evolve, just by giving off the energy of our own negative beliefs about ourselves. The fact is … our relationships are a reflection of our own hearts- whatever it is we believe that we deserve.

If we are secure of our value however, we would proceed to teach people to treat us as we believe, giving off the confidence that “I am worthy.” When we place value on ourselves we do not continue to permit someone into our lives who doesn’t respect, love, or appreciate us.

Sometimes, it seems easier to blame someone else, than it is to face the disturbing truth about our own brokenness, and the mess we have created in our lives. Ohhhhh, and how well I knew what it was to be so broken, that everything around me had completely fallen apart.

If we continue to deny the spiritual issues within us, we will relentlessly be stuck in a dysfunctional belief system that will poisonously spew out into our lives and destroy our souls. I share this with you today from the heart of a woman … as this was the story my life. Yes, I was at the end of my rope … completely broken … spirit and soul.

Its time to wake up and realize if we become so broken that we enmesh ourselves in our relationships, it will not be without losing ourselves.

This my friends … is an inside job to discover a personal love for who we are. Otherwise, love from our significant others becomes a daunting task that no one could ever uphold. There isn’t anyone that is responsible to fill our leaky souls with their love … for lack of our own, except for God.

The Hollywood scenes fill our minds with lines like, “You complete me.” This gives us the idea that it takes a relationship with people to make us whole inside. No relationship on earth can love us enough to fill or heal our broken hearts. Sorry folks, when the honeymoon is over, these kind of unhealthy expectations on our relationships will eventually crack under pressure. This is not love … this is suffocating.

It is in this broken place we can discover our true identity … knowing it is God who loved us first, and as our hearts and minds wrap around this eternal love … we are forever changed. We become completely free to love and accept ourselves for all that we are. Only as we identify ourselves in Him, can we begin to have love from this undeniably holy place from inside our hearts.

Even in the midst of our weaknesses, we will come to acknowledge this place of power and worthiness … as an infinite reflection of God’s love. For in the depths of our souls, it is He who graciously embraces our hearts … and showers us with grace to bloom into the beauty of all we truly are…

1 Peter 2:4, “As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious.”

3 thoughts on “Without Losing Sight of Ourselves

  1. Very clear! I have struggled with this myself for many many years! I got people mad at me when I was learning how to love myself so that I could love others and I said that the acrostic Joy meaning Jesus others and yourself was wrong for some people. I was very good at giving everything to Jesus and everything to others and never having anything left to give myself so I lived in the horror of self abuse, self harm, self-hatred and the arrogance of believing I knew better than God whether I was worthy of love! I praise God that he delivered me, and I Rejoice with you that he delivered you! And I have three daughters who suffered watching their mother go through this as well as two sons, and I pray that God has redeemed your relationship with your daughter and will continue to redeem the relationships that I have with my children as I humble myself before them and point them to God!


    1. Hello there, thank you for your transparency. It helps me to know that my story isn’t just my own. I know many woman that are suffering with the pain of not knowing who they are, while they are in the midst of raising a family. What a mess it can be! My entire life has changed since I let God into my heart. The blessing is that as he change me it changed everything for my family too. He has brought out my inner child and revealed the things that I am passionate about doing with my own life. Helping women is the first on the list, and I am in the process of writing a book. The main point I want to make to you is that “the changes in me” changed everything for my marriage, and for my children. Yes, our relationships have been completely restored! We have better relationships than ever before. We owe it all to the grace and glory of God. I am sharing many parts of my story on my blog if you would like to follow along. And if you ever need someone to chat with I am always here. Blessings to you and your family.


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